Fred The Anxious Kitty

This is Fred. He has anxiety. Me too Fred, me too.

I created Fred because I’ve been dealing with anxiety for close to 30 years now. I’ve struggled since I was 7 years old (due to unfortunate events and epigenetics), but I didn’t have a name for it until I was in my 20’s. Somehow we all missed it. It wasn’t until I was working on my B.S. in psychology that I read a description and went, “Omg, that’s what that is!” *face palm* Anyways, my chosen way of dealing with mental health issues is to make fun of it, and vwala Fred was born!

Fred helps me own and deal with it. As anyone who struggles knows, there are periods where it’s not so bad and periods where it’s really bad. I had a really bad period for about 2 years where the anxiety/panic attack just didn’t stop. It kept going for 2 years straight. I’ll tell you why. My youngest daughter (I have 3 kids) was born with complex medical conditions. As a side note, the post-partum depression I went through after she was born and diagnosed was awful. But you take someone who struggles with anxiety and give them a medically complex kid with a wonky immune system and it is a recipe for disaster. My husband and I compared pictures of ourselves from before she was born to recent (she just turned 6 as I write this) and good lord you can see the aging from all the stress. We’re only in our mid 30’s.

But back to the main point here, from the time she was 2 and a half to 3 and a half she was hospitalized 6 times and she absolutely would not have made it without medical intervention. The first one, she had been sick for a week and a half, she looked at me and said, “Mommy, I die”. I still tear up when I think about it, and I’m tearing up as I’m writing this. I asked her if she could hold on long enough to get to the hospital and she said yes, so I took her and she was admitted to PICU because the illness had depleted her so much, she was at risk for organ failure. This happened 3 times over the spring and summer of that year, and then in the winter she developed a pleural effusion that was crushing her lung due to all the fluid, and she was admitted 3 times for that from December to February. Those events have absolutely effed me up. For that full year and the year after, even when things were going well, I was stuck in that constant anxiety/panic attack and could not get myself out. I dropped 25-30lbs because I wasn’t eating, I was living off of caffeine and nicotine. I couldn’t get any decent sleep. I was constantly afraid of an invisible army (germs) I felt like were out to get her. I eventually sought medication, and although the 2 I tried had nasty side effects and I didn’t end up staying on them, they still served the purpose of popping me out of that sustained state.

I’m better now. Things are still going well for her. But that doesn’t mean the anxiety is just gone. After all, puberty is a time of upheaval for someone with her condition and it’s just a few years away. Yet, rather than allow it to completely eat me alive, I chose to own it and create things like Fred. He’s absolutely adorable and helps remind me that it will pass and until then, he will keep me company.

Fred has a mission to help others like me so I’ve made him available in 2 ways. You can find him on my Threadless shop here and order a shirt, or you can download him here and make your own. Please note that his image is for personal use only and he may NOT be used for commercial use.

I sincerely hope he helps you like he’s helped me. #IWantTheHappy #ItGivesTheHappy I wish you all the happies.